The trademarked Mamoru Chiba conflict resolution method: standing nearby hoping this all ends soon

Jadeite Got Run Over By an Airplane

sailoreuterpe submitted to sailormoonsub:

Jadeite got run over by an airplane
being a huge ass to Sailor Moon
if we all forget his name tomorrow
I feel that it will never be too soon

He’d been making fun of the sailors
and their gender–oh so rude
so Moon, Mercury, and our gal Mars
chose to curb his piss-poor attitude

When Jadiete tried to kill them
on the tarmac late at night
they used their moxy and their powers
to teach him the joys of up-close flight

When they found him in Dark Kingdom
in a crystal, pure and white
the only reminder of their meeting
was the piss-stained pants on Jadeite

Oh, Jadeite got run over by an airplane
being a huge ass to Sailor Moon
seriously, don’t be a sexist asshole
Or you’ll get a face full of plane and go boom!

THIS IS PERFECT AND ACCURATE AND I CAN’T WAIT FOR IT TO BECOME A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS CAROL

I just learned that in 90s anime Jadeite was supposed to come back later on but due to a change in director he’s trapped eternally in Crystal (also imagine how hilarious it would be if he got out and its Crystal Tokyo)

Neo Queen Serenity sanctions the first North Pole expedition in thousands of years and they bring a man frozen in crystal back to her palace and she’s like “I thought I ran over you with an airplane in 1992″

But she is a nice person so she reawakens him and the first thing he says is “where is Queen Beryl? I need to collect energy to revive Metallia”

“Well, buddy, I’ve got some bad news for you”

a semi-comprehensive list of favorite Sailor Moon episodes

Last week, purinsesu-sereniti asked what my favorite episode was. Overwhelmed by the enormity of the question, I had defaulted to sarcasm. I am here to remedy that. Here is a conglomeration of what happens to be exactly twenty episodes from all five seasons, from the overtly silly ones and the heartcrushingly serious ones. There’s probably many I’m forgetting, so I’d love to know which episodes are your personal favorites!

#12: Ami and Rei go on a couples’ cruise and even without a ticket Usagi somehow manages to third wheel

#13: Ami, Rei and Usagi kill Jadeite with feminism and an airplane

#27: Usagi gives the victim of the week a picture of Ami eating a hamburger

#44: Everyone dies in the past

#45–#46: Everyone dies in the present

#50: Usagi’s family and a couple of aliens go to a virtual reality game center

#66: Chibiusa makes curry with her parents, the Ayakashi Sisters are the worst salespeople, and everyone cares a little too much about the local supermarket

#78: Minako is somehow graced with a good immune system and serves as nurse to her friends

#82: Sailor Pluto exists

#91: Mamoru takes Usagi to an abandoned house full of cats and the power of their love creates a Legendary Rod

#108: Everyone tries to speak English and Usagi is so very drunk

#110–#111: Lesbian hell

#118: All the Senshi enter a randomly shifting dimension to save Hotaru while Professor Tomoe sits on the porch eating a bag of chips

#124–#125: Hotaru, Mistress 9, and Saturn all duke it out while technically inhabiting the same body

#136: Usagi is a ninja that’s all you need to know

#172: Baby Nehelenia and the prettiest redemption death ever

#184: The time that Sailor Moon unapologetically became a sitcom

Jadeite, by implying that the sailor scouts were dependent on men, you have awakened their latent Angry Feminist powers, fueled by rage & indignation

WOW Tuxedo Mask actually stayed around long enough to fight for once

“This airplane is going to crush us all but we can’t destroy it with magic because airplanes are really expensive" #Priorities

Jadeite’s powers include…. controlling airplanes with his mind???

Your crushes are like bubbles in the ocean… they only last a moment.

What a beautiful metaphor Luna you are a true poet

Episode 13 is called “The End of Jadeite.” Wonder what happens this episode? Probably nothing of importance.