“Hey, the 1990s called. But you can’t call them back until they’re off the internet.”

animenostalgia:

Valentine’s day’s right around the corner—here’s scans of the American Sailor Moon Valentine cards (perfect to print out or email to friends for dose of 1995 in 2015.)

Valentine, we make a great team! Now transform and help me fight monsters.

Flying high for you, Valentine! Flying high through a dimensional rift knowing full well that all of us may die in sacrifice on this mission, suspended only by the wispy threads of optimism. For you!

Valentine, you send me into orbit! This is a curious inscription. “You send me into orbit” only makes tangential sense as a declaration of love, and it’s even more tangentially related to moon terminology. The attempt to cross the barrier between ‘love puns’ and ‘space puns’ resulted in this distorted hybrid of a pickup line. Grant it your pity.

I’m on your side, Valentine! For now.

Valentine, you’re a star in my Universe! shouted Sailor Moon indignantly. “You are a star to me! You are continuously burning far away, collapsing in upon yourself just as the billions like you, and I’ll take no notice because it concerns me not. One day you’ll expend all your energy and I’ll see a brief flash of light, but that light will leave no impact. You are nothing but a star in my vast universe.” The other Senshi stalled a moment. It was a disparaging speech coming from someone standing in a tree.

BE MINE! I am struck not only by the use of capitalization and the imperative tense, but by the image chosen to accompany the text. The Senshi are either appalled by such a forward declaration or have noticed Minako’s conspicuous absence and know that she is up to no good.

You hold the power to be my Valentine! Although it’s in the focal plane of the picture, I suppose it was too much to hope for a Rod of Love joke. 

Valentine, together we can’t be beat! Except at D-Point.

“Wow, someone made a model of the ‘save document’ icon! How novel. The limits of art are truly boundless.”

“Why won’t Mamoru’s phone work?”

“He’s logged into the computer network.”

It’s like the 1990s just reached through the screen to slap me in the face.